Mindset Development #2: Life Choices

Don't take the easy road - it doesn't lead to where you're headed.

“It’s not what you preach. It’s what you tolerate.” - Jocko Willink

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine, we talked about the usual stuff - work, money, relationships, goals, and so on.

She works at a place where everyone is underpaid, undervalued, and as a consequence, they all have a hard time standing one another. She has a permanent contract there, though, which she considers some kind of “stability”. From what she told me, the atmosphere at her workplace is fuckin’ unbearable.

Other than that, she’s married to a guy who was her first boyfriend, and that dude is such a dial tone that she’s been wanting to leave him for a few years now.
Yet somehow, she was never able to close that chapter and move on with her life.
She has always been so afraid of what the future holds, so afraid to pull the trigger that instead, most of the time she just settles for whatever’s in front of her.
She’s also now pregnant with the poor guy, and on top of it all, they recently got a mortgage together on an apartment that’s currently in construction.

I feel genuinely sorry for her, because I see how she’s wasting her massive potential by staying with that loser and being stuck in that hopeless job.

When I recently suggested to her that, in a situation where things still aren’t working out once the baby is born and her maternity leave is over, it might be a good idea to divorce that guy and start over, try going self-employed (which could generate her a lot more money than what she earns in that shit job she hates so much), she replied:

“It’s easy for you to say, you know… You’re not as responsible as I am, you don’t have as many commitments and burdens as I do. You can get out of the house anytime you want without explaining yourself to anyone… Your life is very different than mine. In reality, it’s easier said than done, you know…”

OK, fair enough. Here’s a few thoughts I have in response to that glass-half-empty statement:

First of all, I never once said that it would be easy. I’m not interested in “easy” things.
Actually, I mentioned many times that being self-employed is a serious challenge and it definitely isn’t for everyone. It is also true that such challenges, when executed and handled correctly, often come with substantial rewards.

And that is the main reason why I consider self-employment or any form of entrepreneurship to be a much better investment than taking the easy road and settling for whatever the system throws at you, without asking whether that’s actually the best you could do. 
When you temporarily settle for less than you know you’re capable of, that’s one thing.
Sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do, so that you could keep moving forward.
The real problem is when you turn such temporary solution into a permanent one.

Second, by saying that “in reality, it’s easier said than done”, you assume that I don’t live in a real world. Which couldn’t be any further from the truth.

Every single thing I ever accomplished, was a direct result of struggle and effort.

I’m actually very conscious of reality. I just don’t settle for “whatever”. 
I don’t settle for whatever life throws at me, just because it’s “convenient”.

Usually, what seems convenient in the moment, turns out not worth it on a long run.  That applies to almost everything in life.

That’s why instead, I ask myself: “Is this the best thing I could do right now?
And if I go ahead with it, how is it going to impact my future? Is it going to help me get closer to achieving my big goals? Or is it going to get in the way?”
And based on the answers, I have a fair clue whether I should go ahead with it or not.

Now, I’m not criticizing those who always take the easy road. YOU should be satisfied with the outcomes of your choices, however well-or-poorly thought out those are. 
Especially when it comes to the future. If mediocrity satisfies you, that’s fair enough. 
I personally don’t understand that way of thinking, but I do understand the temptation of taking the path of minimal resistance. So if that’s what you choose, then good for you. Just don’t complain later about how hard you have it.
You brought it upon yourself by making all those poor choices that seemed “comfortable” at the time. If that’s what you’re after, no wonder you’re so miserable.

That’s also why you should never criticize someone for taking risks that could lead to success, just because you don’t have the mindset it takes to do the same.
Many bitter, unsuccessful people have that in common - they like to bitch about successful folks and shit on them, without ever acknowledging all the hard work it takes to get there.

To me, it’s a completely alien concept, to hate anyone because of their accomplishments or wealth. I appreciate success when I see it. I try to learn something useful from those people.

I know what it takes to be successful. I appreciate the grind behind it. The effort, struggle, trials and errors, learning from mistakes and failures, all of it.

Guess what? Successful people sometimes take shortcuts, too. The difference is, they usually have a better idea about when and where to take those shortcuts.
I like all my decisions to be well-calculated, but sometimes I just need to act fast and improvise. Sometimes it works out, sometimes I fuck up. And if I do, I try to learn something from those fuck-ups and then I keep moving forward. 
There’s no point getting stuck in the past.

So let’s summarize:

You settle for mediocrity because you think “it’s easier that way”.
I want nothing to do with mediocrity, because it leads to a place where I don’t belong.

You accept what’s in front of you as “reality” without ever questioning whether you’re worth more than that.
I question everything in front of me, and more often than not, I realize that I could do a lot better. And if I temporarily settle for whatever’s in front of me, that is only so that I could make further progress.

You spend your time doing a job you hate. It pays you the bare minimum necessary to survive, and you work with miserable losers all day. You hate every minute of it.
You’re stuck in a relationship with a guy you’ve been wanting to leave for years now, yet you’re afraid to do what’s necessary to make that happen. You’re also pregnant with that guy, and to complicate things even further, you enslaved yourself to a bank by signing a 30-year-long mortgage on a two-bedroom apartment.
Soon, that apartment will be filled with material things that you don’t need, things that will keep you even more grounded in that lifestyle you sentenced yourself to.
And you don’t imagine that your future will change for much better. It seems as if you already gave up on trying. You set the bar about as low as you could have - and you call that “secure” and “responsible”.

I have a job that pays many times what you get paid, thus I can afford a better quality of life. Unlike you, I also really enjoy my job and the people I work with.
I’m not stuck with a miserable partner who would drag me down and make my life worse, thus I can do anything I want.

I don’t have a mortgage with a bank, or a ton of pointless baggage bought together, thus I can go anywhere I want.

I’m also on the path of continuous improvement, which means that most likely I will continue to get wealthier, more successful, wiser, and better at things I choose to do.
I do it all to provide a better future for myself and people I care about. I don’t give up on my goals when I’m confronted with an obstacle, no matter how discouraging.

In fact, I set the bar so high that I have to push myself in order to get there.

Which one of us is more responsible? You, with every aspect of your life compromised at the bare minimum?

Or is it me, trying to make the best of myself and the time I have left?

She also has this strange misconception, that despite everything I said about how hard it was for me to get where I’m at, she still believes that my life is somewhat “easy” and that it’s “easy for me to say those things”. As if I actually was a fuckin’ moron with no grip on reality. I might’ve dropped out of college, but I’ve been doing my homework.

Your “reality” is what you tolerate. Don’t settle for mediocrity.
And if you do, make sure not to feel sorry for yourself later. It’s on you.